Executive Presence for the Modern Leader: A Guide to Cultivating Success and Thriving in the Workplace

Copyright © 2021 by Rockridge Press, Emeryville, California

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, Rockridge Press, 6005 Shellmound Street, Suite 175, Emeryville, CA 94608.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: The Publisher and the author make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales or promotional materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. This work is sold with the understanding that the Publisher is not engaged in rendering medical, legal, or other professional advice or services. If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. Neither the Publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. The fact that an individual, organization, or website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author or the Publisher endorses the information the individual, organization, or website may provide or recommendations they/it may make. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.

For general information on our other products and services or to obtain technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (866) 744-2665, or outside the United States at (510) 253-0500.

Rockridge Press publishes its books in a variety of electronic and print formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books, and vice versa.

TRADEMARKS: Rockridge Press and the Rockridge Press logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Callisto Media Inc. and/or its affiliates, in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Rockridge Press is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.

Interior and Cover Designer: Regina Stadnik / Richard Tapp

Art Producer: Tom Hood

Editor: Jed Bickman

Production Editor: Andrew Yackira

Production Manager: Martin Worthington

Author photograph courtesy Mary Harrison

Shutterstock pp. ii, viii, xii, 11, 12, 31, 32, 60, 87, 88, 105, 106, 127, 128, 143, 144

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-63878-588-0 | Paperback ISBN: 978-1-64876-928-3

eBook ISBN: 978-1-64876-929-0

R1

To Jim Bowman

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One: Executive Presence

Chapter Two: Leadership Styles

Chapter Three: Emotional Intelligence

Chapter Four: Communication

Chapter Five: Comportment

Chapter Six: Appearances

Chapter Seven: Authenticity

Resources

References

About the Author

Introduction

My parents were small-town grocery store owners, later adding a movie theater and a drugstore to their business portfolio. As they worked together in ventures, I was raised around the business operations, so I got to observe adults outside my family beginning at an early age.

Because I was always at the grocery store, my parents had the idea of giving me my own playhouse right in the middle of the store—a safe and contained space where they could watch over me. It was a promotional house-shaped cardboard box from the Keebler cookie company. From inside my four-by-four-foot hideaway, I could peer out and watch people as they shopped and as they gossiped about each other. It was a small town, and everyone had an opinion about everyone else. What was it about someone that informed others’ opinions of them? I wondered in fascination. In my little brain, I could tell there were things about some people that caused them to get more positive attention than others, and I decided I wanted some of that for myself.

Everything I did—teenage jobs, college education, outside activities, and personal entrepreneurial ventures—focused around meeting people and observing behaviors that seemed to set some people dramatically apart in the business world.

Two years into my first job out of college, I was the sole woman on a team of men. One Monday morning, my boss called me into his office and said, I have to let you go. It’s not that you’re not working hard enough or aren’t smart or aren’t contributing, but it’s because of this . . . He lifted up his right hand and rubbed his thumb and index and middle fingers together. It’s this fuzzy stuff I can’t quite put my finger on, but that’s the problem.

But was he right? I was a female island in a sea of men in this company, and I didn’t know any code of behavior. I just tried to work hard, get results on time, and stay on budget. But I didn’t know how to schmooze or stand out in a positive way. I didn’t even know how to fit in. After getting fired from that first job, I decided I needed to learn.

Because I had grown up with entrepreneurs, I decided to start my own venture. I wanted to be around CEOs—the kind who exemplified success in business. I started a little company called All Around Girls (a name that fit the code of appropriateness at the time but might not anymore). My brochure explained that I provided services to CEOs that their secretaries didn’t have time to do. For an hourly rate, I would advertise the car they wanted to sell, buy Christmas presents, arrange for an artist to sketch a colleague’s home to be given as a gift, plan a party, or go to their private airplane hangar and help the designer redecorate. I completed whatever task needed to be done within the caveat printed on the brochure: anything legal, moral, and ethical. And with that, I got to go behind the scenes in the lives of big bosses.

In conjunction with my new venture, I took on a personal research project. Every time I got to talk to a CEO, I asked them, If two people start in their careers with similar experience, intelligence, and ambition, why, over time, does one get to this level and one only get to that? I’d demonstrate with my hands, lifting one hand a little high and the other hand much higher.

After posing this question to several hundred CEOs, I felt I had broken the code, so I called a Chicago Tribune columnist and explained, I have some research findings your readers might be interested in. He listened to my pitch, liked it, and wrote about it. He labeled this ability executive charisma. I called it executive presence. The day the article came out, two CEOs contacted me to help them with their own executive presence. With that, I immediately closed the doors on All Around Girls and started Benton Management Resources to teach others how to access their own executive presence.

I’ve now spent 40 years continuing my study of executive leadership presence in order to coach executives. I also teach at the university level. I’ve coached and presented to executives in 18 different countries and in many more cultures than that. This is my 13th book on the subject. In this ever-changing world, I’ve continued to learn for myself and share with others how to fit in but also stand out in the business world: to be memorable, impressive, credible, genuine, trusted, confident, and competent.

This book will work for you whether you are an aspiring or current leader, whether you are hoping to land a great job, thrive in your current role, or secure a promotion. It will help you build the career you dream of. This is the most up-to-date, accessible, and practical guide to developing your own executive presence to thrive in the ever-changing workplace. The lessons I’ve learned have given me a very good life, and I hope they provide the same to you.

CHAPTER ONE

Executive Presence

You’re smart, hardworking, and honest. Shouldn’t that be enough for career success? Yes, it’s important to be those things, but it’s not sufficient. You also need to set yourself apart from all the other people who can say the same. Unfortunately, you don’t get to make all your own decisions in your career—you can’t decide when you deserve a promotion or whether you get hired for a new job; those decisions are anchored in others’ perceptions of you.

There is an unwritten code of behavior among successful executives. They don’t admit it. It’s almost as if they don’t want to talk about it for fear of jinxing it. They may even deny that a code of behavior exists. But it’s there. It’s executive presence. It doesn’t matter how you feel about it; what matters is how your colleagues perceive you. The good news is that it can be learned. Syndicated cartoonist Ashleigh Brilliant noted in his book I May Not Be Perfect, but Parts of Me Are Excellent, I wish I had been born with an unfair advantage instead of having to try to acquire one. Clearly, not all of us grew up in country clubs caddying for the people who someday would hire us into great jobs. The rest of us deserve the advantage, too, and we know we’re going to have to work for it. So let’s learn how.

Leaders with Presence

Profile: Chris Lighty

Manager Chris Lighty was one of the pioneers who made hip-hop into a big business. His clients included LL Cool J, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Busta Rhymes, Missy Elliott, and Sean Combs.

He grew up right along with hip-hop: In the Bronx, he started out carrying crates of records for DJ Red Alert. From there, he became the road manager for Boogie Down Productions and then worked at Def Jam Recordings before leaving to form his own agency, Violator. Lighty died tragically in 2012, but not before he changed hip-hop forever.

Imagine him at a pivotal